Without Bitterness (Essay)

I'm a guy that wants to both speak up; then the next day wants nothing more than to listen to other people. To lead the pack in my own direction; then take the back of the bandwagon and only get off the bus if the driver is heading towards the pits of hell. I'm a guy that feels happy about his life one day, then is frustrated and anxious about his life the next day. I'm not sure what it is considered in psychology or mental health. Definitely not Depression! Maybe mood swings or anxiety? I would aim towards anxiety, but if I could give my own name to it I would call it Unavoidable Selfishness. Due to the amount of thought that I give towards myself and the things in my life. I hate being sucked into myself, and having to mentally climb out in order to consider, think, and pray about someone else.

Everyone that I love, they care about me so much. They want nothing more than what is best for me. These people range from my parents back home, to my roommate that sleeps on the bottom bunk. I am thankful for them all. Every single one of them. These people bring me so much joy. Not just happiness. Joy and Happiness are similar and different. Joy is the experience of a large amount of happiness, pleasure, contentment, and much more than I can explain. Specifically, happiness is one of the many feelings that operates the chord between our brain and our heart. Sometimes happiness is in control of that chord, but other times our disgust, anger, fear, and sadness takes control. Sometimes anger and fear work together, then sometimes disgust sneaks in on the action.

Though my feelings take control a lot of the time, they have been essential to my experiences. They have played a part in gaining knowledge. I have gained this knowledge by observing and forming opinions on the world in which we all live. The world has taken its toll on me, and will continue to do so until my dying day. Understand, that a scary step had to be taken in order to acquire the truth. By going beyond my parents couch and television, I was able to educate myself on the truth. The truth about life on this planet. The truth of human existence. That truth, or the all-encompassing answer to everything, originated by a long series of questions:

Why are we here? Why am I here? What is our purpose? What is my purpose? How am I different and similar to the rest of the world? Does this world accept me as one of its people? What can people really see when they see me for the first time? What do they see when I introduce myself to them? What are peoples thoughts when they see me, without meeting me? This on top of a plethora of other questions always fly freely in my consciousness like the birds that grace our skylines. For me personally, my faith in God answered all of these questions.

Let me make the clear statement, that the reason why I am writing this is to not sway anyone's beliefs. Nor do I want to start any ethological debate. You are free to believe whatever you want to believe, as granted to you by the First Amendment of the United States Constitution. I am just addressing the fact that every audience is diverse in numerous areas. One of those areas is Religious Views. For you, you may have questions of God. You may not even believe in the God of the Bible. You may not even believe in anything at all. But I assure you that no matter what you identify yourself as, not just in Religion, but in every category, your similarities to the people around you far outweigh the differences. Meaning, that our similarities are worth more than our differences. Also meaning that, our differences do not alter our equality to each other. You and I are equal in worth. No matter what. Regardless of what the world says, you and I are far more similar than you can even imagine. Don't believe me, let me give you a description of the person that typed the words that you have read so far.

I am.....

• White
• Blonde-haired, 
• Blue-eyed 
• Twenty-one-years-old 
• Christian: I believe that God loves me enough to save me from Hell by coming down from Heaven in the form of Jesus Christ, and dying on a cross. That all I had to do was accept that in my heart, and tell God that I accept what he has already done for me in order to be saved, and go to heaven when I die. 
• I am an aspiring Writer, Author, Journalist, Extraordinaire.
• I am Straight, and have been Straight (which for clarification means that I am attracted to Women, and only Women) since birth. 
• I have been working in the Food and Hospitality Industry for the past year and a half. Before that, in the Fast Food Industry for two and a half years.  
• I have a list of allergies that fills two sheets of notebook paper, if you write small maybe one sheet. 
• I wear Glasses because I don't have 20/20 vision; also because I think I look more sophisticated, intelligent, and attractive with glasses on my face. I don't want to wear contacts because the thought of something touching my eyeball is nauseating. 
• I love to work out. Anything with my upper body is preferred. Arms, Chest, Shoulders, Abs, and then anything with my legs that is NOT going on a Run. I hate running for long periods because my asthma kicks in. I prefer long walks.  
• If I can't find the clothes I want in a store, I buy what I want online.

.....you will have to meet me in person in order to find out (a. more than this, and (b. if all of the above is true.

Furthermore, I believe that I am worth just as much as the richest person in the world. At the same time, worth just as much as the poorest person in the world. I am worth as much as a Black Man or Woman. I am worth as much as a Gay Man or a Lesbian. I am worth just as much as a Jew, Catholic, Baptist, Muslim, Mormon, Scientologist, and Atheist. An American is worth just as much as an African. The point I am trying to make is that you are worth the same amount as the people in your life. The similarities to the people to your left and your right are simple.

They have a heart that beats in unison to yours. They have blood that flows through their veins. They have a brain that allows them to think and imagine. They have feelings that give them the capability to love and hate. Furthermore, they are presented the same choice when they wake up to be thankful for what they have. They have the capacity to spread both great good and great evil, just as You do. You see what I am saying? These things are hard to remember when negativity and depression floods the horizon. When hate clouds your view of the sun. This is why I do not watch The News.

People think that the News keeps you informed of the world around you. However, I know all that I need to know about the world around me, therefore have no need to spend time watching The News. Furthermore, The News only reminds me of what I already know. I know how messed up the World is. That knowledge has played a big influence to my beliefs. I believe that the world is messed up, and is messed up because it is fading. The world in which we live will end someday, maybe even sometime soon. It is why I would rather spend the time that I have, doing something that I love doing. THIS!!! Writing! Expressing my creativity and imagination in a world where I am free to do so. I do this because I can! Because I have something to say, and I will let nobody, not even myself intervene and prevent me from that. I do this because I am free. Free from every human limitation in existence.

Free from Bitterness.